Hi.
Three days ago, I moved out of my childhood house. I
moved out of the place I called home for
the past nineteen years, three months and six days of existence on this planet, and it taught me a lot about
myself. Mainly that I suck at goodbyes as much as hellos. Now you might say:
what do you mean Khaoula ? I am pretty sure you knew that about yourself
before. To answer that, yes I did. I have known that about myself ever since I
was a little child, but I never thought I would get emotional over leaving a
house, probably because I never thought
I would have to do it now, at least. I always imagined that when I leave this
house it would be to another country and that as long as I am in Morocco I
would never have to worry about leaving the four walls the witnessed my rises
and falls.
Now, packing was a process since my room is filled
with pictures, posters and little bits
and bobs that all hold thousands of crazy stories and happy memories,
and being the person that I am I had to stop and (kind of) re-live every single moment. But that wasn't
even the hard part. It didn't hit me until I had to close the door of the house
for the last time. I froze and
remembered everything. I remembered the countless late nights spent studying,
the teen angst, the 3 am solo dance parties, the good news celebrations, the
painful heart breaks, the late night/ early morning phone/Skype calls, the excessive
TV-show binge watching, the endless drama and the sleepless hours spent over
thinking. But more than anything I remembered my grand-mother, I remembered all
of the amazing years we had together, all of the laughs, the cries, the hugs
and the arguments. I remembered how much she means to me I closed that door and I felt guilty. I
felt guilty for leaving a huge part of
me behind willingly, and I absolutely hated it.
I am currently sitting in my new room (which I LOVE
btw) , listening to Broods and trying to convince myself that all of those
memories still live inside me and my only question is what if I forget ? what
happens then ?
That is all.
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